"That's Racist, Mister"

Rarely a day goes by in the classroom that I don't hear those words uttered by one of my students.  They consider even the most mundane trivialities to be part of some grand, covert plot of racial oppression, including:

• Being asked to move seats when talking
• Being assigned homework
• Having to take a quiz
• Mention of the color of anything, animate or inanimate (e.g. "Some peppered moths are white, while others are black.")

However, my students seem to have no qualms with comparing me to nearly any dweeby-looking white guy with a big nose and curly hair.  

While I understand that it might be informative to post an actual picture of myself, as some of my readers might not know what I look like, this is not possible due to privacy concerns, and also completely unnecessary, given that if anyone were reading this besides my Facebook friends, that book deal would be in the mail already.

And so, a short list of people to whom my students have compared me:

Linguini of Ratatouille

By far one of the more popular choices; this was a favorite pick for students' suggestions for my Halloween costume.  I decided to be Ash Ketchum instead.  As much as I am loath to admit it, I do see where they're coming from.

Daniel Tosh of "Tosh.0"

Sorry kids, I just don't get this one.  He and I do share a love of cardigans, but I have yet to wear one of those to school.  

Mark Zuckerberg

Another one that, admittedly, makes sense.  No offense to Mr. Zuckerberg, but I do get a bit testy when students tell me I act like him as well.  Depending on whether one is going off of the Social Network interpretation of Mr. Zuckerberg or his real-life behavior, this is equivalent to saying that I am (a) a misogynistic dickhead or (b) boring (respectively).

Young, Pre-Op Patrick Dempsey

By far my most flattering comparison, and this one from a parent to boot!  Again, I completely get this one, although it does feel like being compared to the "before" in a before/after ad (you know, the one shot in black and white that shows the frowning fat guy getting something out of a fridge).

Steve from "Blue's Clues"

No.

Jackie Chan in "The Legend of Drunken Master"

Admittedly, this one didn't come from a student, but it is my first inter-racial comparison, so that's significant in itself.  Plus, the hair-coiff is pretty true-to-life.

Possibly Unflattering Drawing, Anonymous

This one is courtesy of the algebra teacher at my school, who found it tucked into a stack of papers submitted by her class.  The lack of devil horns and other accoutrements leads me to believe that this was not meant to be insulting.  It's just inadvertently so.